By Nancy Snyderman, M.D., F.A.C.S. and Alice D. Domar, Ph. D.

Your relationship with a physician is like any other relationship-t depends on chemistry. It's important that you feel comfortable with a primary care physician (PCP), oncologist, or neurologist-professionals who will be more than a temporary presence in your life. Don't be afraid to interview many professionals and review their credentials to find someone you trust and can communicate with day to day.

Be Proactive

Remember you both are consumers in a caregiving situation. Don't be passive. Be proactive. Your doctor should be someone you feel will listen to your questions and concerns and those of your loved one.

You also need to be confident with your doctor's group practice. What is the doctor's availability in the evenings and on weekends? In many practices, the physicians in the office rotate so if there are six doctors, your doctor will be on call every sixth night. However, some practices hire other doctors to cover nights and weekends. You need to decide which style feels right for you.

Other questions to consider:

• Is the PCP board certified or board eligible?
• With what hospital(s) is the PCP affiliated?
• If he or she is affiliated with more than one, are you able to select the hospital of your choice?
• Is the PCP's office conveniently located by your home and/or office?

Preparing for Appointments

Research has shown that on average you have about 7 to 16 minutes to talk with your doctor. So, make every minute count. Each time you or a family member think of questions or concerns, write them down before your appointment. Review and prioritize them with your loved one to be sure you are accurate. Bring a copy of the list for the doctor so he/she can quickly review your concerns. Ask the important questions first. Preparation will save you the frustration of trying to reach your doctor after you've left the office. Also, some of your questions and information could actually change the doctor's recommendations.

Think about a visit to your doctor the same way that you would think about any other

important appointment. Studies show that anxious patients forget about 93 percent of what their doctor says to them. If you prepare in advance, you won't leave your appointment with more questions than when you started. Remember your doctor is there to help your loved one feel better, so don't hold back on uncomfortable topics. Forget your shame or embarrassment and be honest. At the end of the appointment, summarize to the doctor what you believe his/her recommendations are, write them down, and review them together.

In general, you should know:

• What the diagnosis is
• How serious it is
• What tests are needed to confirm it and why
• Whether a second opinion would be helpful
• Treatment options
• Recommendations on integrative therapies
• If there is a need for medication and why
• Possible adverse reactions from the medications
• What are the risks of the treatment
• If there are interactions with the medication and other drugs or supplements your loved one might be taking
• Symptoms to look for
• Any restrictions on diet, alcohol, or driving
• When an improvement should be expected
• If and when a follow-up visit should be scheduled
• If insurance doesn't cover the treatment, is there an acceptable substitute?

Second Opinions

Most doctors encourage and welcome another opinion. A second opinion may provide some needed reassurance about treatment options or help with decisions. Don't worry about hurting your doctor's feelings. Express appreciation for the care of your loved one, but convey that in this critical situation, you need additional reassurance. Your doctor should be supportive of your search.

Most importantly don't forget your own health in the process.

Dr. Nancy Snyderman, vice president of medical affairs for Johnson & Johnson, says, "Make sure you have a very good idea of what you want from the doctor's visit. Are you seeing the doctor for your loved one or do you really need to talk about things that are affecting you? Many times your personal needs get lost. Headaches, insomnia, feelings of isolation or depression are common. Keeping yourself healthy and perhaps even being treated with appropriate medications ensures that you will be better able to cope with your caregiving role," explains Dr. Snyderman.

Although you may think of your loved one as "the patient," he or she may not be the only one in need of good medical attention.