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Feeling Sad

cj2007 | September 7, 2007 | 7:13 PM

I am a caregiver for my mother-in-law, who was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and my father-in-law who has dementia. Even though there are other family members involved, I am the one who deals with their medical care and makes the decisions. I feel alot of responsiblity and pressure. My mother-in-law has been ill since Oct. and even though they ran all kinds of tests, she wasn't diagnosed until this month. I feel as though I failed somehow. Today she asked me how bad the situation is and I explained it to her. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Right now I feel sad because I don't have anyone to talk to. I try to stay strong for the rest of them as it is their mother we're talking about. My husband is very caring and gets the burden off of me when he sees I need a break. But he is having a hard time with this too and I want to comfort him. I don't feel its fair to put my thoughts, fears and sadness on them. Thanks for giving me a place to do that.

 

Cancer doesn't come with a manual

sker | June 11, 2007 | 4:09 AM

People say that babies don't come with a manual, it is learn as you go. And, I am finding, that is also true of cancer. I am not new to "care-giving". Every decent person who has been a parent, spouse, child or sibling in a family has, at some time, sacrificed their own desires for the needs of loved ones.

When we have a baby, we don't get a "manual", but we usually get at least 9 months to mentally and physically prepare for the changes. And, it is a positive experience, though time and resourse intensive.

Nothing that I have ever done in my life could have prepared me for the "kick in the stomach" feeling that my husband and I both felt when the colon cancer was first diagnosed a month ago. Since then, it has been one disappointing test result after another. Surgery has been scheduled and canceled, Radiation and Chemo have been scheduled and canceled. Today, a month and three days later, we are finally getting his first treatment, a combination of folfox and avistan, that the Oncologist has told us has a 70% chance of reducing or eliminating the tumors and cancer cells, albeit with a high risk of recurrence.

Dennis was symptom free when he had his first colonoscopy. In hindsight, I know we overlooked some things....he had become increasingly tired and sleeping during the day....but we thought it was "out-of-shape" -- and vowed to go to the gym. He was having intermittent pains in his upper abdomen...at one time I suggested he get his gall bladder checked. But we had no idea this could be cancer. Bowel problems seemed a "part of aging" too, as there was not at that time, any bleeding.

I am overwhelmed, with sadness, responsibility, concern for my husband's comfort, fear of the known and the unknown, and my own tiredness and sickness as I am a 58 year old female with my own set of health problems and a full-time job to maintain, since our insurance is through my work and we need my income.

Hopefully, I will find some strength and support from this website. I don't sleep much....and I am writing this at 3:25 am. Today,for Dennis, the healing starts; finally, my sweet husband will get some treatment for this disease. Help us please, to find some strength, and some relief from the pain, physical and emotional .