By Nicole Levison

Both my grandmother and late great-grandmother have played pivotal roles in my life. My grammy taught me to be passionate about life, and her mother instilled within me a love of art and music. At a young age, I dealt with the reality that both great-grandma and great-grandpa were in failing health. When I was invited to stay with them each summer, it seemed the perfect answer for everyone—I could help out when needed, they got a boost from my energy, and I got a break from my parents and babysitting my younger siblings.

When occasional medical responsibilities arose, I tasted true responsibility. And as time went on, I had my first experience with end-of-life caregiving. I would never trade in the quality time I had with my great grandparents.

But often, a man or a woman is caring for both their children and their parents. In fact, 25 percent of the U.S. population is doing this. Known as the “Sandwich Generation,” the snazzy label speaks to literal position of feeling cramped between taking care of the kids and the parents. As parents, we expect to be taking care of our children—but not necessarily our parents at the same time.  

In times past, multigenerational circumstances were not an uncommon way of life. But in a modern world where families are geographically scattered and our parents are living much longer, and working people struggle to maintain job security—caregiving is a bigger responsibility.

Money Can’t Buy You Love

But money can buy you some peace of mind. It’s expensive to care for children and aging parents at the same time.

The quarter of the United States that faces this dual caregiving role must not only save for their children’s college, their own retirement, their home maintenance, and their own medical costs—now they need real cash, fast, for their parent’s healthcare, daily living needs, and housing.

Money might be difficult for Sandwich generation caregivers—but the emotions may be even more challenging.  A dual caregiver may contend with maintaining their job, making enough time for a spouse or partner, bringing the kids to soccer practice, and dealing with the stress that comes from caring for others, especially those with special needs.

How to deal with it all? Some tips to help you manage your sandwiched role include:

• Communicate. Be honest with everyone about concerns, stress, and time management problems. When you explain the problem, even the youngest child may understand the situation (and not take it personally). If you say, “Grandma is sick, which requires me to spend extra time taking her to the doctor. I know it’s hard on you, but I hope you understand,” your daughter might stop acting out because she thinks she’s being ignored. Some tips to foster the communication include a regular family meeting, or maybe a once a week dinner party where everyone contributes.
• Involve everyone. Feeling as if you’re contributing to the family—as a team—is incredibly rewarding. If an aging family member lives with you, encourage him or her to help with a meal or the garden, or watch TV with your kids while you make dinner. Being a part of the global picture helps people feel a sense of belonging—instead of feeling in the way!
• Set time for yourself. The cascade effect comes into play here. If you feel good about yourself, your relationships (especially with that of your spouse or partner) will be stronger. Make dates with yourself and take time to do something that relaxes you such as reading, listening to music, stretching on the porch, or just taking a walk.
• Seek help. Whether you join a support group or enlist the help of people in your community, it’s always good to get a little help from your friends. Many people feel as if they shouldn’t burden their friends with the stress and daily dramas related to caregiving. First: remember that a true friend will be there when times are good and bad. Next: online support groups, spiritual advisors, counselors, and family are often good choices to share feelings with, vent a little if need be, and seek advice from.

While caring for your kids and your family is a juggling act, it may also be the most treasured time in your life. If you allow yourself to thoroughly feel, have fun, laugh and cry (both are excellent emotional releases), and pursue your own dreams while supporting those of your loved ones, you and your loved ones will notice the difference!