By Amy Hoover Tuso

I have not met one person who could honestly say that they had chosen freely to become the caregiver in the family. Most of the people I know became caregivers due to circumstance; their circumstance as well as the family member in need.  They stepped up to the plate because someone had to and they had strength and compassion within their soul.  And so, the journey began.

Many times as caregivers we did not bargain for the feelings that emerge as time moves on and the demands of caregiving settle into our daily routines.  I know that I am not alone in carrying all kinds of emotions that arise during this journey. I have found comfort in speaking with fellow caregivers and hearing them express the same frustrations. There is a wide range of feelings from compassion to feeling trapped. While this may sound contrary; I have learned that these diverse emotions can be common among caregivers.  One emotion leads to another and before you know it guilt lies heavy within your heart.  Exhaustion seeps into your soul, but sleep is evasive.

Without enough rest, it is very easy to become over-stressed, depressed, and desperate for some form of escape. Exercise would be a good escape but you are too tired, so perhaps alcohol or another numbing substance may appeal to you.  You think “just one drink to take the edge off, after all, I’ve never had a problem with substance abuse.  I have it under control.” 

I have found myself in this very situation.  One glass of wine leading to another as calmness settled over me, thinking that “this feels so much better.”  But somewhere during  my journey I realized that I had reached for this form of escape on a regular basis and it was not helping me get a better night’s sleep, or taking the stress away, or helping my feeling of being trapped and alone.  Neither did taking medication, in fact, I found myself crying more often.

What I did find that helped me was getting outside and taking a walk. Sometimes the time crunch would allow my walk to be only around the block.  Other times I could arrange to walk for a half hour. Just getting my body moving, breathing in fresh air, looking out at the sky and landscape while listening to what my heart and soul were telling me was tremendously helpful. 

I also started writing.  Not for anyone else to read, but just for me!  I wrote down what I was afraid of, how tired I was, my true feelings for the person in my care, and what I wanted out of life.  The simple act of writing, of being open and honest with myself was healing. 

I have found that it is very important to honor yourself on a regular basis.  Make sure that you follow your personal routine such as keeping hair appointments, going for a manicure or pedicure, and especially keeping up with all medical appointments.  It is vital that you replenish and care for yourself because if you don’t, you won’t be able to be the best caregiver to another.