Betsy said, “Trish is such a good friend!  I called her in tears when I got the news about my Dad’s accident and made a plan to bring him home to live with us during the recovery.  Next thing I know, Trish is at my door with a scrumptious dinner for my family and a vase of flowers. Despite her busy life, she sat down on my couch, took my hand and said, ‘Tell me everything.’ And I did.  I told her how scared I am about Dad’s future and how confused I am about all the choices we’re making. I told her I worry about what Dad’s illness means for my husband and kids…and me.  I told her I was not sure whether I had what it took to take care of Dad.  I even confessed that I’m mad at Dad for being so careless and injuring himself in the first place. Those 15 minutes Trish spent listening to me, with her caring gaze, is the best gift she has ever given me.”

Think back to the last time some generous soul listened to you with full attention. This person might have said nothing more than “Hmmm” or “I hear you!”  But that simple act of recognition can renew you with a sense of optimism. Recognition makes us feel appreciated for all we do, and this in turn, helps you take on daily challenges.

Give Yourself Permission to Tell Your Story

Karen said, “Sometimes my life feels so out of control. There are so many things to do to take care of Mom and the rest of my family. The bills are piled on my desk and the dishes are piled in the sink and the laundry is piled all over the house. I know I need to take a break, but I barely have time for a bathroom break. Yet, when I take a few minutes to tell my story, it restores my sense of balance. 

Identify Who Will Listen to Your Story

Make a list of potential story listeners ahead of time. Your list may include friends, colleagues, clergy or even a health care professional.  Maybe the listening party is your dog…or even your journal.  Write down the list of potential listeners and put them near the emergency phone numbers.  It could even be another caregiver with whom you trade stories regularly – a mini support group!

Coach Your Story Listener

We all want to be helpful, and to offer a solution to a problem.  When you tell your story, you have a chance for the solution to come from within. When you want a friend to listen to your story, just to listen, say so!  Say to your listener, “I’m totally stressed.  Do you think you could lend me your ear?  All I’m asking you to do is listen.  I know it’s hard to resist the urge to fix things. It would be most helpful to me if you just listened.  Will that work?” Let them know how much time to set aside.  It’s amazing what 10 minutes of talking can accomplish.

Create an Environment for Listening

Forget about the laundry and bills for now. Go to a place that feels safe and peaceful or do an activity that encourages you to talk. Maybe you think best when you’re out for a walk.  Maybe you want to talk over a latte or a cup of tea.  Maybe you want to sit in a garden.  Know the ingredients that help you tell your story.

Find Your Unique Way of Telling Your Story 

Maybe the tools of storytelling are something different than words.  Maybe your story is one accomplished through cartoons or a pantomime or by playing a piece of music.  Maybe you can only tell your story by talking through puppets.  Know what works best for you.

Give the Gift of Listening to Others

Once you tap into the healing power of storytelling, you see that both storytellers and story listeners are part of the magic. You can be a story listener for others, including the loved one for whom you care.  Give a coupon for the gift of an hour of listening as a birthday present or holiday treat.  Next time someone tells you about a problem, listen instead of offering solutions.  See how that works.  You may be surprised.

Technology makes our lives better in so many ways.  Yet email will never be able to capture the essence or the warmth of a caring, listening ear, a friendly smile, a tender touch, or a hug from a good friend.  Include telling your story to an active listener in your list of self-care activities that will make you an even better caregiver.