By Byllye Y. Avery, M.Ed.

My brother died the last day of 1996.  I remember the day he was born.  It was a hot day in August 1945 when Mrs. Henrietta Griffin, the midwife, came to tell me that I had a baby brother.  I was almost five years old.  I can still see my mother’s face in a glow of childbirth with my tiny brother, Quitman, in her arms.  He was so little and red and my mother was so proud. 

It’s hard losing a loved one, especially one whose life was shortened by chronic illness.  The multiple sclerosis that attacked my brother’s body in his twenties was finally diagnosed, after much suffering, twenty years later.  Although he had completed law school, his illness made it impossible for him to practice his profession the way he had longed to do since childhood.

My brother suffered his illness in silence.  When asked how he was feeling he always said, “I can’t complain,” although he had plenty to complain about.  It is difficult to see a loved one who uses silent suffering as a coping mechanism, especially when others of us scream loudly.  From my perspective he had a lot to be angry about—the disease, not practicing law, and a daily decrease in his quality of life.  Yet he never spoke any complaining words.

One blessing my brother had was the fact that he was a husband and father to two children who loved him dearly.   He was a wonderful parent to his children, who in turn cared for him in his later years.  

Death came in the morning as a blessing to my brother and left us full of unspoken sadness and unshared thoughts.  I do remember our childhood days in Florida.  One year, my brother gave my mother a Donald Duck cap as a Mother’s Day gift with the hopes that she would actually give it back to him.  She kept it.

I live with the memories of my brother’s laugh, his humor and his caring spirit.

Think about birth and spirit and connecting memories. 

Spirit is our inner core, our soul and our psyche.  Spirit gets to the heart of things. Spirit is the strength that enables us to get things done.  It is an internal presence that provides us with faith and courage.  We must draw from the depths of our spiritual wells when we feel vulnerable and challenged.  Spirit and spirituality are universal concepts whose presence in our lives can make the difference.  Sometimes spirit and faith are all we have, some of the time they are all we need.

Say to yourself: “I know that birth and death are part of my reality and I affirm the presence of the spirit. I am a person who is in touch with my spirit and the spirit of others.”