By Lori Culwell

What to do when your loved one can’t accept the fact that they’re getting older?

It's a fact of life—our loved ones eventually have to give up a little bit of independence so we can take the best possible care of them.

While this is great in theory, try telling that to a perfectly lucid 96 year old woman who still "has all her marbles" and insists on driving a car and living alone. I’ve been there.

Here are some things YOU can do to ease your loved one into the transition.

1. Stop Doing Everything
   If your loved one is insisting "I do fine by myself," it may be because they think they're actually doing more than they are (because you're doing so much for them). If you want your loved one to move into an assisted care facility, you first need to make it clear that they could use some assistance. Important: I am in no way implying that you neglect anyone's needs in any way.Just make sure you're not actually enabling your loved one's desire to stay in their home when it would be safer for them to live in a different setting.
   
2. Make It Their Idea
   Ultimately, if your loved one is still lucid and functional, it's their decision whether they want to move into this next phase of life.Sometimes it just takes time for them to come around to this conclusion.However, there is nothing stopping you from bringing up how happy other people's family members are in their new "senior apartment," or what a relief it is to Mrs. Smith's family that she finally gave up her license.This may help spark your loved one into thinking it is something he/she thought of in the first place. If it's their idea, then they're still in control, and they maintain all of their dignity.
   
3. Do Your Homework
   Make it your "job" to check out facilities on a fairly regular basis, so you're not caught off guard when your loved one finally says "OK, I'm ready to make the change."Don't force them to go on tours with you--weed them out yourself, so you can be confident of the choices you're presenting.Your goal is to move seamlessly from their making the decision to you showing them the place to you calling the movers, as easily as possible.The more information you have, the more equipped you will be to make this transition easy on them.The same goes for a loved one who needs to give up driving.The very moment they say they're ready, you should be ready with the names and numbers of cab companies, driving services, or elderly transport companies. Don't let lack of research be an obstacle!
   
4. Take Things in Stride
   Ultimately, you must realize that there is only so much you can do to speed the transition along.Trying to force the situation is only going to create bad feelings, and (short of a court order), there is only so much you can do.Simply letting it be known that you think a change is in order is often enough to get the "ball rolling," and then patience and gentle conversation may keep it rolling along.Remember, they've lost a lot of their friends, and this is probably the last move they'll ever make, or the last time they'll ever drive a car.In this type of situation, a little sympathy goes a long way.

Think of it this way--the easier you make this transition on your elderly loved one, the easier your kids or grandkids will make it on you. And hopefully, your loved one will love his or her new home, and make new friends.