By LeAnn Thieman

Whether it is a person who cuts in line, the busy doctor who answers too curtly, or the drivers’ license clerk who berates you for letting your license expire, some people can worsen your already stressful day, if you let them. As caregivers, we interact with a huge variety of people. Most of them are supportive and compassionate. Yet sometimes, too often on our toughest days, we encounter people who are downright mean! 

Managing Mean People

These 10 tips will help you manage the bah-humbuggers:

1. Evaluate the situation carefully. Is the person actually mean? Or is it possible your stressful circumstances have you looking at the world through not-so-rosy glasses? Is your current mental state possibly making you less tolerant and affecting how you perceive others?
2. Strive to diffuse the anger or negative attitude; do not escalate it. Ignore the offense; don't acknowledge it.
3. Smile and look the mean person in the eyes. That throws him or her off guard. It's hard to be grumpy when someone is smiling at you.
4. Extend your hand to shake his or hers. Touch is a great tranquilizer.
5. Give them the benefit of the doubt. “Mary, I know you didn't mean to say that in a way that made me feel...”
6. Get him or her to say “yes” three times. Answering questions with a positive response makes it difficult to stay negative. “Is this the place where I can find help to...”
7. Find something positive to say. Sometimes people are mean because they've had a tough day or others have been mean to them. Break the cycle. Acknowledge the difficulty they may have had. “It must be hard to do so many things at once, and yet you seem to manage it all.”
8. Ask his or her name and use it often. Then ask for what you need, kindly. “Steve, I know you can help me, and I am so grateful. Can you please...”
9. Use “I” statements, instead of using blameful language. “When you treat me that way, I feel...” Avoid “you” statements, such as “You did this or that...”
10. If the above techniques are not effective, firmly say, “This is inappropriate. To whom shall I speak to register a complaint?”

My mama always said, “You catch more bees with honey than vinegar.” When you diffuse anger and offer kindness, everybody wins—especially you. You didn't let them spoil your day.