By Norman E. Rosenthal, M.D. and Alice D. Domar, Ph. D.

For some reason, stress doesn't motivate us take better care of ourselves. In fact, it tends to do the opposite.

Instead of eating enriching foods, exercising, and getting support from friends, we backslide from our healthier habits. LLuminari expert Alice D. Domar, Ph.D., consulted on a recent study investigating how people's health habits change when they're stressed.

Men reported that when stressed, they either drink more alcohol or watch more television. Women reported that their top two stress behaviors are exercising less and eating more junk food.

No one needs to be reminded that none of the above behaviors is likely to make you feel better! In fact, these behaviors are destined to make you feel worse. Remember, being in a caregiving role can make one feel overwhelmed by life's events. As LLuminari expert Dr. Norm Rosenthal explains, "Often, when faced with the stress of taking care of a very ill or aging family member, a caregiver may neglect his or her own health. Bingeing on junk food, smoking, lounging around are all means that the stressed-out caregiver may use to relax. Of course, the short term relief from these tactics is horribly outweighed by their long-term consequences," says Rosenthal.

Indulgences

It's natural to be tempted to indulge when stressed and in fact, some indulging habits are probably good for you. The last thing a caregiver needs to hear is eat only good food, eliminate caffeine, no alcohol, and exercise seven times a week! Dr. Rosenthal suggests that just as you write lists with your patient's needs, you should also build a list of your own needs.

• You need good quality rest.
• You want well-prepared, healthy food.
• Your body deserves some exercise.
• You are entitled to having fun.

Then follow through on your own needs just as carefully and diligently as you do for the patient.

What can you do about destructive habits that you seem unable to change? Take smoking for example. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances, harmful to the smoker and others. But it may also be one of the few things offering you comfort. How can you balance your need for comfort with the need for better health?

The answer is by reducing quantity. Smoking two packs a day is worse than a few cigarettes a day. Eating a box of cookies is worse for you than a couple of cookies. So if stopping the behavior cold turkey isn't an option for you, work on decreasing the frequency of the behavior.

Know Your Triggers

Identify what triggers your unhealthy behavior by keeping a diary for a period of time. Every time you feel the need to light up a cigarette/grab the box of cookies/search for the bottle of gin, write down what's going on in your life at the moment. Most likely, you eventually will see a pattern of behavior. You might find that every time you walk into your loved one's room, you need a cigarette. You might find that every time you get a phone call asking how the patient is, you go in search of sweets. Or you might discover that whenever the issue of money causes concern, the only solution seems to be your bottle of gin.

Counteract Your Triggers

Once you have discovered your triggers, decide how to counter them. Make a list of your coping skills, which might include calling a friend, reading some email jokes, logging onto an online support group, taking a walk. Also make a list of rewards- watching a favorite taped TV show, playing solitaire, calling a good friend long-distance.

Approach the issue with two solutions. When you experience your trigger, try instead to use one of your coping skills. If you succeed in not drinking/eating/smoking, you get your reward.

We all need comfort in our lives, especially under stress. Try to maintain a healthy balance that works for you, as you try your best to maintain quality care for your loved one.