By Elizabeth Eby
Although I never mastered the language of self-discipline and I think that everything I do is important… my experiences as a caregiver taught me not to count my chickens before they hatch. I arrived at this happy state by learning to adjust my to do’s to meet the realities of time and money.
The Fast-Lane Syndrome
Before we had overnight delivery, credit cards, and instantaneous computer communication, our expectations and demands for timeliness were quite different. Just because you can do it fast doesn’t mean you must or that it will work out as you planned it. These are false emergencies.
Family Phone Tree
I have compromised my demands for a written family calendar. Too many things happen and I am just as likely as not to read it or forget to revise it when my plans change. In addition, between my husband, myself, my mom, my sister and our daughter we have 12 phone numbers (home, office, and cells) and 5 email addresses. To avoid the need to leave messages all over town, we have a phone tree. My husband has an assistant in his office who is willing to answer for him when he’s out so he receives all last minute calls and notifies my sister who calls me, etc.
Emergency Phone System
My daughter had a medical emergency and needed to go to the emergency room. She called her Dad to initiate the phone tree but no one was in his office. She called me but I left work early to take my Mom and myself to the hairdresser where we meet my sister. When I got home I found the messages and rushed to the hospital feeling so guilty until a nurse pointed out that in the “old days,” people didn’t have cellphones.
Having an emergency phone system is a good idea, but an “emergency cellphone” only works if you use it. Nowadays, people use cellphones for everything, so when the phone rings, it’s easy to ignore it. Consider having one phone line that truly is an emergency line—and carry that phone with you at all times. Or, carry a beeper and make sure that your physician, your neighbors, and your family all know that is the number to call in an emergency.
Don’t Plan More Than You Can Actually Do
It makes me crazy when my list is longer than the day is long. As a result, I have learned to say no to myself and to my loved ones. I found myself snapping at everyone I met along the way on my Saturday errands because I didn’t have enough time to make all my stops. When I got home my daughter recognized my mood and offered me a foot rub. I exploded. To my shame, I actually heard myself shouting, “If you want to help me, why don’t you return the videos instead of rubbing my feet!” Fortunately, our mother-daughter bonds are stronger than my temper and we both started to laugh. The point is, that ugly-headed monster within you tends to feed off of stress and a growing list of to-do’s. So manage that list, ask for help, and stop feeling guilty if you say no.
Can Somebody Else Do It?
Sometimes you need to figure out if you are the only one who can perform a task. This may mean relinquishing power. Are you really the only person who can write the final report? Really? Can you ask for an extension? Can you hire someone to help you? It may mean spending money, but time is money! Asking for help does not mean you are giving up—it means you are being smart about time management. Delegate!
Accepting Reality
Balancing the demands of caregiving with work and family and organizing your time to be more efficient saving time is impossible unless you are willing to accept reality.
Sometimes you have to accept that you can’t do everything. I comfort myself with memories of my high school boyfriend’s dad, a world famous time management expert. During the 1960’s he was hired by the Bank of England to improve their systems. After much analysis, he suggested they use paper clips rather than straight pins to hold documents together. Such a simple technique that probably cost the Bank a lot of money in consulting fees!
When things get truly out of hand, I remind myself of the following two things:
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