By P.M. Kearns

My name is Patty Kearns. I have been caring full-time for my mother, who has Alzheimer’s Disease, for five years. I hope my thoughts will resonate with you, my fellow caregivers!

With severely intensive caregiving, caregivers may not be able to have any time off, even for short breaks. They merely abide. They stay prepared. They choose to remain in their position as caregivers with such great love.

But all caregivers need breaks. Little breaks, big breaks, everyone needs diversions from the daily onslaught. With caregiving, “taking a break” could simply mean that you are taking things as they come. And if that means screaming your lungs out for the duration of one full minute—so be it.

TIP : At any given moment, we always have the overriding choice to STOP and PICTURE a BETTER picture. This break may simply be a “daydream,” but if it helps you cope with caregiving, it is a great break.

When you meditate or daydream you truly are taking that much-needed break. There have been years when I couldn’t even break away to run to the store. Hence the unpleasant phrase, “doesn’t get out much,” may have stuck, but not enough to stop me from meditating. Meditation has saved me over and over again.

Every so often take a few minutes for yourself. Sit. Breathe. Let your mind relax, then picture happier scenes. A key component of “picturing” is that you must relax deeply in order to allow your mind the time it needs to play, to relax.

You may have had the experience of waking up in the morning with an exciting idea that drives your day in a grand new direction. Picturing in advance—and saying in words what your goal is—can help put you there even before it manifests.

The more you practice meditating, the better it gets. Our minds work unhampered to bring us to richer, fuller living—lives with all the enhanced depth and textures that we’ve “pictured.” Fortunately, the human brain works around the clock on our objectives, even while we sleep. This momentum makes everything a lot easier, but you still have to “manage” it by taking breaks for rest and further deep relaxation.

It’s in those quiet breaks that you access the remarkable state of “alpha.” Even five minutes in this most healing state allows your thoughts and dreams to begin flourishing into new realities. Merely sit quietly and…“vacate!” Every time we create a change in our way of thinking, we’re on vacation.

I’ve learned over and over again that each near-death experience with someone you love is enough to alter an afternoon’s plans (at the very least). The best way of coping, I have found, is to go with the flow. Go with great thankfulness and relief that there are still some things you don’t control.

When you go with the flow, things become easier. You can’t rush how long it takes for your person to finish drinking one of 8-or-more glasses of water each day. You can’t just say, “Okay, time’s up!” when someone is in the midst of their seventh bathroom mishap. You can’t hurry the finishing of a seizure. That’s why I’ve gotten very creative about maintaining a surrounding peacefulness. Breaks are a good thing for quieting the mind in the in-betweens, especially after you’ve yelled.

As you allow yourself the growing awareness that flexibility is our real strength, you will have reached that level of calm that comes from letting Time Itself manage you. (Instead of you managing time).

Managing your thoughts and staying on goal with your noble purpose, now that’s more like it!

I haven’t met a person committed to caregiving who I didn’t respect. Think about your noble duty and rest easy. Relax when you can. Nap if you’re able. Take that beautiful meditative break that may soothe your weary soul.

And, if perchance you’ve already left your Time Management or your request for TIME OFF by the wayside, I would personally like to congratulate you on your vacations and mention that there’s an awesome gleam about your badge of honor.