By P.M. Kearns

My name is Patty Kearns. I have been caring full-time for my mother, who has Alzheimer’s Disease, for five years. I hope my thoughts will resonate with you, my fellow caregivers!

For the solace and sanity of all caregivers, I’d like to make some comments about terms such as “Time Management,” “Taking Time Off,” and “Vacation.” These terms were obviously made up by people who aren’t caregivers.

First, let’s clear up the part about Taking Time Off. For a caregiver, it’s more like: “Forgetting Everything You Previously Knew About TIME OFF.” Beyond all understanding from those who haven’t experienced it firsthand, full-time caregivers already know that any time, in particular the worst possible time, can instantly degenerate into unchartered waters.

As a long-term ‘round-the-clock’ intensive caregiver, I’m thinking our title should read: Unchartered Time. It sounds more exotic.

You Have Amazing Skills

With any Unchartered Time, caregivers unwittingly step bravely into The Unknown. This is good. Life is full of Unknowns, especially when caring for patients with Alzheimer’s Disease or related dementia. Maybe at first you didn’t expect those sleek little unknowns to fly onto your landing field…every-minute-on-the-minute, but you quickly come to realize they do.

Caregivers are already one-up on Time Management. They’re on Automatic Pilot, which is similar to Time Management, but light years closer to the reality of care giving and, simultaneously, galaxies beyond it.

That’s why I threw out my Time Management skills years ago. In nanoseconds, and instinctively, I had sashayed right past Time Management and into another galaxy, where I found myself taking each next appropriate state-of-emergency step toward patient safety.

At that unfamiliar juncture when I was making the caregiver covenant of No Time Off Ever, I also made the promise that I will keep on Dreaming. I did this while meeting and greeting the multitude of daily behaviors, well-blended with glaring priorities like medicine regimens, food, fluids, bathing, bathroom cleanups, laundry, and paying the rent (a necessary but annoyingly time-consuming part of the regimen). Conducting a job search or operating large machinery during this extended period of heightened alert is not recommended. Also please note that Caregiver Time is not in any way affiliated with the International Date Line nor does it bode well with any dating services.

TIP: Remember that any systematic application of efforts, great or small, will increase your chances of accomplishing your goal. Just making the effort to get started increases the chance of finishing any task.

Daydreaming is Good

Daydreaming might cause you to get yelled at in the classroom. Nevertheless, to a caregiver, any blissful lapses into relaxed imaginings are where the real creativity lies…and the happy landings. It’s a dream ride to hope we can use both sides of our brains when solving a caregiving problem, because who can choose sides when the keys are missing again—and are you sure it wasn’t you who misplaced them?

As for my own survival as a caregiver of my mother, knowing what I cannot do means I no longer need to crash from worrying about it.

Here are some benefits of Unchartered Time:

• I can relax
• I’m free to dream
• I choose happiness

TIP: Choose your best time of day and, when your clarity is at its peak, place a high priority on tackling the most important item on your To Do List. Getting started will not only energize you, it will create momentum and offer a sense of accomplishment. For comfort, keep your list reasonably short, allowing for interruptions. Let momentum carry the rest for you. [I love that word “rest.”]

Who Needs the Stress of Time Management?

You may find that I jump around a bit regarding Time Management and similar topics. Realizing that I’m among kindred spirits, I suspect you are already well versed in the sensation of jumping around.

You are the Welcoming Committee for the Unexpected because that’s what you manage. Caregivers stop everything to respond instantly to anything. Many can sense and prevent a disruption before it happens: that’s how good we are at intervention.

However, the caregiver existence of educated guesses and mandatory jumping around makes Time Management extremely difficult. Worse, traditional Time Management—with its tidy, little, clearly-defined successful outcomes—is simply too stressful and clearly not practical. With every bit of awe and appreciation we already have for Great Expectations, who needs the added pressure? We need to remove some.

Time Management for Round-the-Clock Caregivers

True round-the-clock caregivers know to be wary of “managing” the unmanageable. They already understand TIME OFF: with all due respect—they realize, 24/7, they have none! Caregivers understand that Time is by far their most precious commodity, since they never seem to have enough of it. Yet they somehow manage, in spite of all odds, to continue forward as some of the most giving and loving souls on earth. Now that’s a positive impact and a successful outcome, regardless of what happens!

TIP: One central calendar can be a scheduling lifesaver. Use only one calendar and keep a pen handy. Take the moment to write down each appointment. Avoid further frustration by capturing any important, fresh thought before it disappears.

Managing the Unimaginable

With caregiving, managing the unmanageable is art enough, but there’s more. Managing our way through the Unimaginable is even more uplifting because it’s a spiritual gift. Plus, you no longer have crash landings when you’re on a higher plane! If we keep ourselves committed to the greater good with our hearts open and our spirits willing, this spiritual happiness can be ours.