By P.M. Kearns

My name is Patty Kearns. I have been caring full-time for my mother, who has Alzheimer’s Disease, for five years. I hope my thoughts will resonate with you, my fellow caregivers!

Vacation

I hesitate to write about VACATIONS because caregivers’ hopes are dashed enough. Please understand that the term “VACATION” in the caregiver sense might mean the “unintentional (or very much intentional) momentary absence of the person.” In other words, the person has “taken a break from reality” and has simply vacated. I’m joking, but as caregivers, you know what I mean.

Experience has taught me that I can vacate. I can sit down and stare into space and thus I am “on vacation.” However, this type of vacation is very different from “skipping town,” although the temptation to exchange the one for the other can be tantalizing.

My “mental vacations” keep me living in the moment. I’m serious. Sometimes if I vacate it is because I am suffering that day from all my tasks and demands. I have learned I can vacate at will!

Fortunately for caregivers, these types of vacations circumvent the whole list of real vacation stressors such as planning, preparing, packing, and spending.

Caregiving is not about shopping the malls for cruise wear. Shopping until you drop isn’t necessary: you’ve probably already collapsed from the sights, sounds, and smells of the sheer dirty eloquence of your caregiving duties. As a caregiver, you are a model of the courageous human spirit, and …OF COURSE YOU NEED A VACATION. Anyone who faces continuous stress needs time out.

• TIP : If your “schedule” is like mine and you’ve been “ON” for 24 hours—for years uncountable—you can’t take vacations. But you CAN listen to your body. If it says you need to stop, STOP NOW. Go take a quick nap…and dream. Our bodies—and brains— heal during sleep. Don’t wait. Take advantage of any temporary lull in your duties. We work at our optimum when we feel refreshed. When we feel rested the edge is off, the mood is lifted, and love flourishes once more.

As a caregiver you may have a combination of strict budgetary guidelines and impossible time constraints. In this case I go with a personal favorite “break”: Cracking up Laughing! With this option, I crack myself up just laughing.

I’ve learned that Cracking up Laughing can be contagious. This option became part of the package as my daughter was growing up. She learned to locate the room I was in and guard the area while waiting out these unusual bursts until she could decipher what had set me off this time. You, on the other hand, may prefer saving this for moments when no one is around.

Cracking up Laughing is probably one of the most delightful tasks I have had since my Dad’s death. I’m sure it came through to me from him—that wee magical bit o’ the wry Irish wit from his homeland. Dad would be sitting in the kitchen saying something that (minutes later, after I’d finally get what he said), would set me hilariously howling until my stomach hurt. Anticipating my delayed response, he’d grin with pride when he saw I’d caught up with him.

I still have that same relationship with my Dad. Only, he doesn’t sit in his kitchen chair anymore. But he’s here with me in spirit, especially when I laugh. Isn’t it grand how a caregiver with virtually no time off could find that even a giggle brightens things?

Trust me, laughing is an heirloom gift that’s meant to be opened, shared, and savored. For me, Cracking up Laughing offers a full supply of endless love. And it’s free, which certainly fits into any budget.

New skills such as Finding Time and Making Time are unheard of and unimaginable…for most people who don’t work the way you do. Except that you are a caregiver and are already performing miracles! Caregiving is angelic. Hence, YOU are like an _ _ _ _ _. Go ahead, spell it out: angel. Remember, the laws of Nature operate differently for Higher Beings. The Higher Beings have advanced from the day-to-day muck. They’re lighter, having set themselves free. They see things with a vastly broadened perspective. As their name implies, they are high above normal limitations.

Higher Beings naturally understand this new type of vacation. They jet to the vacating space First Class. Think about what sets you free (cracking up laughing?) and you, too, will learn how to have your mini-vacations.  

Kindly note that when I visualize or dream, I do not vanish into thin air. Due to my responsibilities here, I’m a bit hesitant about that kind of travel and—if you can fathom it—I’m grateful to remain at home.

I only vacate. My practice is in vacating. My vacations keep me resilient. They help me bounce back. Try it, and maybe you’ll see what I mean!