By Alice D. Domar, Ph. D. and Janet Taylor, M.D., MPH

Caregiving impacts every area of your life. It affects your relationship with your partner, your sex life, your relationship with immediate and extended family members and friends, your job or volunteer work, your financial security, your health, and even your relationship with God.

Some of these areas may be less affected than others, but it is virtually impossible for a caregiver to continue with life as they knew it. 

Fifty-five percent of caregivers give up vacations, hobbies, and other personal activities to care for their elders, according to AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving. The result is a higher rate of depression, stress, and anxiety, leading to increased use of alcohol and other related health risks. Change is difficult, especially if the change entails new and likely painful demands on one’s time and well-being.

Support Is Always There

Some caregivers have the luxury of a strong support system, including self-reliant family, helpful friends, understanding bosses, good financial resources, and good overall health.  But more often than not, caregivers are feeling the added strain with studies showing from 15% to 50% of caregivers reporting increased stress and anxiety. Feelings of loneliness and isolation, as well as hopelessness and despair are not uncommon. 

According to Luminari expert Dr. Janet Taylor, “caregivers are at high risk for mental and physical stress. Caregivers should never underestimate the importance of having a support group or counselor.  It’s critical for one’s own well-being.”

Countless sources of caregiver assistance are available, ranging from support groups to online chat rooms to individual therapy. And, individual counseling can be provided not only by mental-health professionals, but also by members of the clergy. In addition, there are peer-led support groups with leaders who have been in your situation, have learned from their experiences, and are in a position to help others. 

Research the types of help available to you through organizations such as:

• American Psychiatric Association of America: www.psych.org
• Anxiety Disorders Association of America: www.adaa.org
• The Help Center of the American Psychological Association: www.helping.apa.org
• The International Society for Mental Health Online: www.ismho.org
• Knowledge Exchange Network: www.mentalhealth.org
• National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association: www.ndmda.org
• National Institute of Mental Health: www.nimh.nih.gov

Options Tailored to Your Needs

Everyone responds differently. Think carefully about your own emotional needs. Would you be more comfortable with an individual therapist? Would you feel more relaxed in a support group, interacting with others in a similar position with common concerns and thoughts? Some people have an overwhelming need for privacy and anonymity, so Internet-based support groups can be helpful.  Be cautious about the Internet. Be sure support groups have some degree of professional oversight to avoid misinformation.  Still other caregivers have spiritual concerns, so pastoral counseling might be appropriate.

Many caregivers hesitate to seek counseling resources because they either feel guilty about not being able to handle the responsibilities of caregiving, or they are reluctant to take the time or money for such services. Ask yourself truthfully if you can be a good caregiver, as well as a good spouse/parent/child/employee/friend, if you continue to handle the stressors of caregiving alone.

As LLuminari expert Alice Domar, Ph.D., says in her book Self-Nurture, “we are not able to meet the needs of others until we learn to meet our own needs.”

Take a Caring Hand

Counseling will help you in several ways.

• You will feel less alone in your situation.
• You will learn to develop effective coping tools. 
• You will learn about other community resources.
• You will have a safe place to vent your feelings of distress. 

Check with caregiving and local chapters of disease-specific, nonprofit organizations for support groups. If you can’t get away, some groups even meet by phone. When it comes to counseling, there is something for everyone.

There may be times when you’ll feel you just can’t go on; no one agrees with you or appreciates what you’re doing.

There may be times when each day seems more of a struggle than before—where you question how you’ll survive.

Those are the times when you must reach out, secure in knowing there is always someone ready to help you.